How to talk to a loved one about moving into aged care

One of the most challenging conversations we may have with our loved one is about whether it’s time to consider moving into residential aged care. Whether it’s a parent, grandparent, or partner, the topic can stir feelings of resistance and guilt. But when approached with empathy, patience and deep respect for the individual’s wishes, this conversation can become a meaningful step toward greater safety, comfort and connection.

Here are eight tips to help you approach this delicate dialogue with compassion and support your loved one in shaping their next chapter.

1. Talk early – before it becomes urgent
It’s much easier to talk about aged care before it becomes something you have to do. Waiting until there’s a crisis, such as a fall, illness or signs of cognitive decline, can make the conversation more pressured and may limit your ability to understand what your loved one really wants. Starting the conversation early gives them time to think, ask questions and be part of the decision. It helps them feel heard, respected and in control of what happens next.

One way of starting that conversation is:

“I know you’re doing well now, but I’d love to talk about what you’d want if anything ever changed. That way, we can make sure that your wishes are always respected.”

2. Learn about the options

Before you sit down to talk, take some time to learn about the different types of aged care available in your area, including services, costs and available government support. Not everyone may require full-time care. For some, simply living in a retirement community or having access to in-home care may be sufficient. Other people, especially those experiencing cognitive decline, may require higher levels of care or nursing in a residential setting.

Knowing what options are available helps your loved one see that your questions come from a place of care and respect for their wellbeing. It shows them that you’re not trying to push them into a pre-made plan. Instead, you’re exploring possibilities together. A great place to start your research is My Aged Care, the Australian government’s main entry point for information about aged care services.

3. Pick the right time and place 

Where and when you have the conversation can make a big difference. Choose a quiet, comfortable space where you won’t be interrupted and can really listen to each other. Avoid raising the topic during busy or stressful times – like family gatherings or when emotions are running high.

Instead, aim for a calm, private moment when your loved one feels safe, relaxed and open to talking. This helps them feel respected and reassured that their voice matters.

4. Lead with empathy

These conversations aren’t just about practical next steps. They’re often filled with emotion. Your loved one might feel worried about losing their independence, leaving a home they love or facing something unfamiliar. All those feelings are completely understandable.

Listen actively and give them space to express their fears. Try not to rush towards solutions. You may need to have a few gentle conversations over time, and it can also be helpful to involve other trusted family members.

You could say something like:
“I know this isn’t easy to talk about. I’m here to listen and support you as you think about what’s right for you.”

5. Focus on what’s possible, not what’s missing

Rather than framing the conversation around what your loved one can no longer do, focus on how aged care can improve their quality of life. Talk about the benefits – like 24/7 medical support, social activities that build friendships, nutritious meals without the stress of cooking, and being in a safe, welcoming environment.

A way to have this conversation could be:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling a little bit isolated lately. A place like this could offer more chances for connection and friendships – and you’d have help at hand whenever you need it.”

6. Involve them in the journey

Help your loved one feel part of the process by exploring aged care options together. Visit different places together so they can meet staff, ask questions and get a feel for the environment. Many providers offer short-term respite stays, a kind of ‘try before you decide’, which can help ease fears and make the idea of moving feel less overwhelming.

Most importantly, ask what matters to them. Do they want to be near a specific family member or friend? What kinds of activities or spaces would make them feel at home? What are their hopes (or concerns) about this next chapter? When they feel heard and involved, the transition becomes something they’re shaping, not something that’s happening to them.

7. Talk about the practical matters

Moving into aged care isn’t just an emotional decision; there are also important practical things to consider. In Australia, government-subsidised care is available in many situations, but it usually starts with an assessment through My Aged Care.

It’s also worth thinking about finances, wellbeing needs and any legal matters that might come up. Depending on your situation, it can be helpful to speak to a financial advisor to understand how the means assessment works and what support is available.

8. Seek support for yourself

Supporting a loved one through a transition to residential aged care can be emotionally taxing. Your wellbeing matters, too, so don’t hesitate to reach out to your GP or other professionals, support groups or counsellors for extra support. Taking care of yourself helps you stay strong, present and better able to support your loved one through the journey.

Last thoughts

Moving into residential aged care is a big life step – but with open, honest conversations and a shared focus on your loved one’s wellbeing, it can be a positive and empowering transition. At its heart, this journey isn’t about losing independence. Rather, it’s about gaining peace of mind, comfort and connection in the years ahead.

Want to know more about how Baptcare supports individuals and families through this process? Click here or call us on 13 22 78 for a friendly, no-pressure chat with one of our consultants.